The more you know the less the better.
BILLY CONNOLLYChic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I don’t aim to offend.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
BILLY CONNOLLY







