I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
BILL HICKSWhile I’ve found many of the religious shows I’ve viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I’ve never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet – turning off the TV completely.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn’t it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It’s gonna be worth it!.
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We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn’t a hazard to this country-How’re we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?
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Sixteen years I’ve pounded my head against the mentality of America, which…I’d say it’s about an 8th grade emotional level.
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Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
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I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
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Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.
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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
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That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
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…I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An ‘avenging GOD’? One who created Hell for those who don’t believe?
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At least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
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You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
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They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.
BILL HICKS