“If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.”

Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.

A wise friend once told me, ‘Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.’

Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.

You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.”

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.

There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable.

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Maternity leave is over for Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live. She’ll be back behind the Weekend Update anchor desk for this week’s episode, her first show since giving birth to daughter Alice on Sept. 10.

Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.

I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.

This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.

If you want to be a great director, be a great screenwriter.