“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.

I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

If you’re feeling down and times are blue, Remember this and know its true.  Tomorrow you can always start anew. A new day to seize, positivity your virtue.

Isn’t this loneliness a strange poetry? you want everyone to read, but you are never willing to write it down.

The world has slowed down. Its okay if you do too.

She is an all encompassing enigma of beauty and madness don’t attempt to tie her down.

We lock away our secrets and push them deep down so they feel farther away but they will always be inside us, no matter how well we hide the key.

Don’t reorient yourself to fit in to an upside down world.

The only way to bring down her walls is to show her you love her enough to climb over them.

Deep down you always knew.