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I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

Ron White

You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
RON WHITE

Brain Laugh People Somebody Stage Surgeon Teach Walk
Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
RON WHITE

Diamond Minute Shut
I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
RON WHITE

Doctor Drywall Get Hanger Lawyer Mall Over Plumber World
I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
RON WHITE

Complicate Guarantee Ideas People Show Television Watch
I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
RON WHITE

Daughter Face Guy Hold Left Limb Month Smile Talk Though
I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
RON WHITE

Able Any Fan Feel Like Touch Want
People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
RON WHITE

Animate Bring Force Instead People Relax Stage Tend Thing
I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
RON WHITE

Act Anything Bothe R Desperate Joke Material Offend Work Write
Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
RON WHITE

Brother Come Later Number Operate Phone See Something
There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
RON WHITE

Class Forever Go Pill Stupid Take
I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.
RON WHITE

Always Found Closer More Really Respond Stage
The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
RON WHITE

Fascinate First Football Game Hand Imagine Life Listen Made Syllable Talk Thing
If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
RON WHITE

Come Country Down Gulf Joke Out Pollute Rite
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
RON WHITE

Christian Clean Comedy Good Help Need Think World
Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
RON WHITE

Come Face Happen Let Lot Material More Road Stuff
Everybody I know is a joke writer.
RON WHITE

Everybody Joke Know Writer
I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
RON WHITE

Belief Drag Fan Little On Only Principle Road Will
I write all of my material. It’s all me.
RON WHITE

All Material Me Write
Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
RON WHITE

Content Deliver Face Pace People Rhythm Time
If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
RON WHITE

Any Back Become Famous Go Money Pay Show
I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
RON WHITE

Ability Remain Right Silent
I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
RON WHITE

Few Good Married Time
I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
RON WHITE

Always Best Done Happen Little One Pony Stuff Trick
I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.
RON WHITE

Call Direct Go Movie New Only People Role Wrote
I still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously.
RON WHITE

Hard Laugh Love Make People Serious Stage Still Take Walk Work
Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
RON WHITE

Blue Fine Just Like Material Mother
There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
RON WHITE

Always Been Century Comic More Other Play Quater Time

I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

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I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Ron White Quotes