I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
RON WHITELet’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
More Ron White Quotes
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
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We always go out looking for live music after our shows.
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I’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
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Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.
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Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.
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My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.
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I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.
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I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
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I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
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