My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
RON WHITEI’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
More Ron White Quotes
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I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.
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Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
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I have a very fun life. I don’t recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
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When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It’s like anything else. It’s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
RON WHITE