My favorite animal is steak.
FRAN LEBOWITZMy favorite animal is steak.
FRAN LEBOWITZHumility is no substitute for a good personality.
FRAN LEBOWITZStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZAsk your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
FRAN LEBOWITZThere is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZNo animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZAs a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZI must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
FRAN LEBOWITZScientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
FRAN LEBOWITZMy desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
FRAN LEBOWITZLife is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZContrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
FRAN LEBOWITZChildren are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
FRAN LEBOWITZCalling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZ