“Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.”

I’ve done a movie and a TV series, and someday I’d like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice.

They do everything from gangsta rap to polka music and every genre in between. It’s amazing.

I don’t want to hear about this train being derailed! What happened to ‘The Flintstones’?’

He died a long painful death. However, you’ll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine.

I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I’ll catch up.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can’t think of a clever enough idea.

You don’t need to be defined by your job.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

You fake something until you’re good at it.

I’m an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I’m a relation to Frankenstein’s creation.

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.

Whenever I do a parody it’s not meant to make you hate anybody’s music really.

It was difficult to get into my friends’ rock bands when I was a teenager.

Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I’d just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer.

First of all, just to get Diner made would have been an achievement in that I got a chance to direct.

I would sing anywhere they would invite me. That’s how I made my first pesos. I used to sing at beauty pageants, local events of every sort.

A people averse to the institution of private property is without the first elements of freedom

We need to brace ourselves for a struggle against terrifying obstacles…bot h of our own making and imposed by the natural world. And the first step is to recover from the mass delusion that is positive thinking.

She does not want to feel even the faintest temptation to call his mobile number, as she had done obsessively for the first year after his death so she could hear his voice on the answering service.

There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they’ll take you.

I quit high school the first day of 10th grade because I felt like I was wasting time.

My mother was my first jealous lover.