Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
AISHA TYLER
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
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A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.
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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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I grew up on the back of a motorcycle – my dad didn’t have a car until I was a teenager. And then my closest friend from grade school was a guy.
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I was raised by a single dad, so I’ve always just kind of liked “guys” stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
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Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,
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When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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When I was young I thought, ‘Yeah, people don’t see, they’re not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am’. And the guys that mentored me were like, ‘
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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
AISHA TYLER