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I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.

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Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I’m just myself, so I don’t know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.
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The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
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I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
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Being Best Find Funny Going People Possibly Version
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Away Creativity Something Stand Up Walk Want
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.
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I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,
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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.
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I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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Astronaut Awesome Celebrity Drinking Driver Fun Party People Racecar Suck Unless Working

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