“There was less than I’d expected in the rainy-day fund that Mom had kept in the bottom of an underwear drawer in a panty hose egg labeled ‘DEAD SPIDERS.’ As if I hadn’t always known it was there. As if I wouldn’t want to look at dead spiders.”

I’ve been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda… I should be a video game.

What part of Canada are you from, honey?” “THE LEFT PART,” said Jay.

…Almost everything inside was filled with sugar, cheese, and weight-loss tips.

J.Lo’ in written English only has three letters, and you still spelled it ‘M-smiley face-pound sign.

The Boov frowned. ‘Everybodies always is wanting to make a clone for to doing their work.

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren’t.

Get off of the car,’ J.Lo huffed. ‘I am an English superstar.’ Uh-uh. There’s no comparison. ‘

YOU have no room to laugh, that’s all. I’m not doing any worse with Boovish than you did with English.’

Can I see some ID?” “WE DON’T HAVE ID,” said Jay, loudly. “‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN. WE DON’T USE ID…THERE. AND THAT’S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. ‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN.”

Wherefor are you knowing it? If you stacked all of the Gorg in the galaxy on top of eachother, the Gorg would kill you.

I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with … G.” “Sausages.

[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of. ‘It’s not a police car,’ I said. ‘It is,’ said J.Lo. ‘Looknow. Lights for flashing.’ ‘That’s true.’ ‘Writing on the sides.’ ‘Yeah, but the writing? It says ”BullShake Party Patrol.” Yes. Whatnow?

Magic likes a good tragedy, too.

I was the funny, outgoing kid who didn’t understand how he could keep getting mistaken for a nerd nobody liked.

For the gentle werelibrarian, who’s strictly vegetarian, there’s nothing like Tofillager the MEATLESS TOFU VILLAGER

There’s a little bit of magic in every box!