If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARAIf you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARALadies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARAI think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARAIf you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
ADAM FERRARAI know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARABeing in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
ADAM FERRARAI sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARAI got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
ADAM FERRARAI don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARAMy dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
ADAM FERRARAI am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
ADAM FERRARAWhat if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
ADAM FERRARAI talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARAOh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARAI don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARAI love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA