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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

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Either Funny Humor Mean Move Moving Paint Phrase Thinking

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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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