Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHERLet’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
More Bill Maher Quotes
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER