I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENMy stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I have a thing for tools.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLEN