The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHERWhen you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER






