“When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.”

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.

The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?

The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!

Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.

If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.

Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.

Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.

The presidency is not merely an administrative office. It is pre-eminently a place of moral leadership.

We’re going to make sure that the people who run for office and get elected are the ones who are going to work for the American people.

You can’t have people making decisions about the future of the world who are scientifically illiterate. That’s a recipe for disaster. And I don’t mean just whether a politician is scientifically literate, but people who vote politicians into office.

When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web… Now even my cat has its own page.

Let us no more contend, nor blame each other, blamed enough elsewhere, but strive, In offices of love, how we may lighten each other’s burden.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office.’

I have a portrait of Saint Thomas More in my office.