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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Ambrose Bierce

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Death Money Person Praise Wealth
Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Final Funny Rich
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Fear Idiot One Liner
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Fortune Goodness Purity Uncomfortable
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Age Believe Fools Hard Thinking Wisdom Young
$Ambrose Bierce Quote - Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.$

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Bad Mathematics People
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Love Marriage Sanity Temporary
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Believe Country Democracy Oneself Ruin
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Life Missing Spiritual
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Coward Emergency Himself Legs Thinking
Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Faith Holy Ourselves Religion Scripture Writing
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Breathe Conversation Listening Vocal
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Belief Body History Invention Original People True
Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Country Discover Fertilization Person
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Angry Best Regret Talk Yourself
Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Blessing Exception Leaving Money

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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