Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCESaint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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