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Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

Dave Chappelle

They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Commercial Difference Listening Money Myself Pay Taste
Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Himself Platform Reparation Serious Slave Thinking Win
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Late Listening Myself Quit Work
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

People White
For one year, I want to do this thing where I guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Famous Gratitude Himself Love Possible
I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Encouragement Funny Myself Responsibility Sketch Social
I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Hate Joke Myself People Race Reason Thinking
You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Old People Right Yourself
The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Hard True Watch Yourself
Weed’s not as bad as everything else… ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Bad Function Smoking Substance Yourself
The kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Best Children Myself
Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Kind Stand Yourself
You know, be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Failure Greatness Life Mark Realization Yourself
My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian, what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Imagination Myself Question Wife
The world can’t tell you who you are. You’ve just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Better Personality World Worst Yourself
I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Bad Country God Hope Land Myself Swear

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

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Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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