“I got married recently. So far, so good. Less sex than I expected, but other than that, it’s a pretty good lifestyle.”

I don’t normally talk about my religion publicly because I don’t want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful religion if you learn it the right way.

I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.

Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.

The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.

I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.

I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

The higher up I went, the less happy I was.

I got a lot of positive people around me.

I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.

Being famous is great, it’s not like bad or horrible or anything.

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.

They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.

Good cheer is a great lubricant; it oils all of life’s machinery.

Do not doubt your own basic goodness. In spite of all confusion and fear, you are born with a heart that knows what is just, loving, and beautiful.

However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the “right” person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside.

The only joy in the world is to begin. It is good to be alive because living is beginning, always, every moment.

I always think I don’t do the first one good, so I try to do it more.

We can all do good deeds, but very few of us can think good thoughts.

Everyone is flailing through this life without an owner’s manual, with whatever modicum of grace and good humor we can manage.

There is nothing wrong with having a good job, there is nothing wrong with having a nice house, there is nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong when that is your goal.