It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARDMama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
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There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
LEWIS GRIZZARD