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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Lewis Grizzard

Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Afraid Dance Love Stand Thinking
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Farm Grow Money Tree
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Choice Gift Home Marriage Myself Woman
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Family Grow Home Myself Small
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Delight Improvement Life Occasion Sick Study Way
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Myself Restaurant Smoking
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Dog Leadership Yourself
Spring time is the land awakening.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Awaken Land Time
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Difficult Eat Happiness Thinking
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Care Funny Lady Love Myself Old Room Time
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Life Sexuality Sick
I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Letters Marriage Myself People Possible Woman
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Crazy Discussion Ideas Male Open Relationship Yourself
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Beyond Education Intelligence People
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Feeling Goodness Myself
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Food Time Wrong Yourself

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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Popular Authors

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