The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThere’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Spring time is the land awakening.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
LEWIS GRIZZARD