“I don’t mind anything that’s written about me, as long as it’s not true.”

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

By the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this — One of you is lying.

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Writing well is the best revenge.

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

I hate writing, I love having written.

Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

But I don’t give up; I forget why not.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that’s much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I knew that if I did not start chanting with people, that I would never be able to clean out the dark corners of my own heart. I knew it with every cell in my body and mind.

The worst tragedy is that this uncontrolled mind steals our consciousness away from Krishna and that is the beginning, the essence of all suffering.

Clear the mind of all worldly things. If you can’t control your mind, how will you realize God?

Things can give pleasure to the mind and senses, but only love can give pleasure to the heart. And ultimately, that is what we are looking for.

Real compassion means to understand what the needs for body, mind and soul are.

Chanting is a way of getting in touch with yourself. It’s an opening of the heart and letting go of the mind and thoughts. It deepens the channel of grace, and it’s a way of being present in the moment.

If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot.

Tolerance means to fix our mind, to fix our words, & our actions on a higher principle.