One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECKMy theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK