She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS -
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERS