I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK