Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECKNo one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
ERMA BOMBECK