The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECKI remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECK