If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECKMy idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK