Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECKCleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
ERMA BOMBECK







