Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
ERMA BOMBECKCleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Children make your life important.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK