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A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.

Tina Fey

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.
TINA FEY

Beer Drink Funny Good Liver Party Report Sorry
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
TINA FEY

Bridge Bridges Even Guard Overrated Say Seen Troll Witty
So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?”
TINA FEY

Ageism Face Funny Motivational Inspirational Lookism Sexism Unsolicited Witty Workplace
I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
TINA FEY

Asshole Crazy Good Much People Take Time
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY

Actual Convert Gay People Thinking Witnesses Witty
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.
TINA FEY

Arrogant Conclude Good Impressively Move Moving Witty Write
What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.
TINA FEY

Fort Home Mean Need Pant Soon Take Turn Women
And I can see Russia from my house.
TINA FEY

Country House Live Saturday Night
An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
TINA FEY

Country Funny Government Humor Include Interim Job Minister Set Whom Women
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
TINA FEY

Cry Let Mad never People Some Witty
North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror.
TINA FEY

Absolute Act Country Interview Intolerable Refer Terror Wanton
When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.
TINA FEY

Dress Funny Halfway Play Inhernity Men Woman
Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
TINA FEY

Adorable Baby Blame Creature Fart Humor
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY

Come Experience Hardest Out Pretending Someone Surprise
You can’t control things by being nervous.
TINA FEY

Being Control Nervous Thing
In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
TINA FEY

Cope Humor Life People Real Situation

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.

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A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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