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A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.

Tina Fey

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
TINA FEY

Bomb Dog Feel Late Order Purchase Safer Sniff Too
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY

Come Experience Hardest Out Pretending Someone Surprise
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.
TINA FEY

Beer Drink Funny Good Liver Party Report Sorry
You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.
TINA FEY

Advice Comedian Doing Learn Male Truth
Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.
TINA FEY

See Start Take Yes You
I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
TINA FEY

Baby Basketball Boring Champion Every Most News Spell
The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
TINA FEY

Achieve Arm Athlete Closet Country Doll Made People Person President Scientist
I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
TINA FEY

Design Excercise Funny Machine People Reward Sex Someone Workout
When actors are too good-looking, I can’t memorize them. For example, I have never seen a picture of Sienna Miller where I didn’t say, “That girl’s pretty. Who is that?
TINA FEY

Actor Celebrity Example Girl Good Look Memorize People Picture
There are no mistakes only opportunities.
TINA FEY

Inspirational Mistake Opportunity Successful
Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.
TINA FEY

Amaze Even Got More Movie Review Worst
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY

Actual Convert Gay People Thinking Witnesses Witty
I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.
TINA FEY

Amazed Constantly Funny Humor People
When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!”
TINA FEY

Dress Dresses Fifty Hey Know Life Look Mirror Rehearsal Thought Turn
Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
TINA FEY

Crazy Done Great Like Look Makeup Overcome Photoshop Witty
Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
TINA FEY

Part Problem Solutions Whatever

A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.

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A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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