You can’t control things by being nervous.
TINA FEYWhatever the problem – be part of the solution
More Tina Fey Quotes
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I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.
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My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
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I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
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Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
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Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.
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In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
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(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)
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The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
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In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.
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Everybody kind of gets to be the person they didn’t get to be.
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Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
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People lose their minds, trying to prove their parental worth by getting their children into one of five colleges; when there are thousands of good colleges across the United States – and elsewhere.
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According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
TINA FEY