The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLENI have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLENI grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
TIM ALLENMen aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLENBe wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENElectricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLENIn my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLENI don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLENDogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLENMy mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLENThe big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLENWomen are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLENJill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLENCan we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLENI’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLENA guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN