Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLENBoys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENReal men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLENI’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLENAs the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLENI wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLENMan is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLENBut separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLENMen aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLENI’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLENThere is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLENI’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLENWomen are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLEN