Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLENIf it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN