Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLENPlaying golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLENMy dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLENI’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLENWhile awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLENFor years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
TIM ALLENI have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLENI have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLENA guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLENI have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLENThey say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
TIM ALLENI have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLENIf you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLENReal men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLENBeing wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLENThe world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
TIM ALLEN