When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLENI do a lot of family shows.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN