Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENI’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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