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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.

Ron White

The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.
RON WHITE

Answer Fan Only Really Show Stand Think
The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
RON WHITE

Another Attention Brain Deficit Disability Disorder Information Learn Mean Odd Proces Quite Way
I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
RON WHITE

Able Any Fan Feel Like Touch Want
The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
RON WHITE

Fascinate First Football Game Hand Imagine Life Listen Made Syllable Talk Thing
My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
RON WHITE

Between Brain Colander Cross Leak Slow
Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
RON WHITE

Come Face Happen Let Lot Material More Road Stuff
You can’t fix stupid.
RON WHITE

Fix Stupid
TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
RON WHITE

Day Hard Hate Hour Job People Television Tell Work
The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
RON WHITE

Country Good Majestic Theatre
I don’t like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that’s the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don’t do a ton of it.
RON WHITE

Famous Heard Made Material People Popular Stuff
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
RON WHITE

Care Good Idea Laugh Live Make Money Much People
I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
RON WHITE

Ask Band Guy Monkey Rock Understand Venue
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
RON WHITE

Album Done First Now Some Throw Out Twelve Year
I’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
RON WHITE

Cigar Collection Go Great Imply Last Smoke
I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
RON WHITE

Mic Milker More Night Open
People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
RON WHITE

Animate Bring Force Instead People Relax Stage Tend Thing

If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.

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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.

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Popular Authors

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