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Sometimes the mask we wear is simply just a smile.

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Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
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Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’
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I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.
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I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.
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You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
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After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
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As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.
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Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.
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Don’t mess with me, man, I’m a lawyer!
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To live would be an awfully big adventure.
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If heaven exists, to know that there’s laughs, that would be a great thing.
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When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
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The human spirit is more powerful than any drug – and that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.
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The things we fear the most have already happened to us.
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You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.
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Reality: What a concept!
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