Hilarious Quotes

I find what I do for a living really funny. I mean, acting is kind of a hilarious thing for a grown man to call a job.

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria’s Secret. There would be no Dior.

It’s hilarious a lot of times. You have a conversation with someone, and he’s like, ‘You speak so well!’ I’m like, ‘What do you mean? Do you understand that’s an insult?

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.

It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.