Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who…have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
QUENTIN CRISPWhen I was young, we thought that Oscar Wilde was a great nobleman who had thrown his life away for love. Nothing could be less true. He slept with East Enders who were procured for him by Lord Alfred Douglas.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
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If I have any talent at all, it is not for doing but for being.
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
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In England, nobody’s your friend.
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People say to me, “When did you come out?” But I was never in! When I was about six, I was swanning around the house in clothes that belonged to my mother and my grandmother which I’d found in an attic, saying, “I am a beautiful princess!”
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Manners are love in a cool climate.
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Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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Vice is its own reward.
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What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.
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You fall out of your mother’s womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
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Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically – for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist – but then what isn’t?
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
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It’s a strange situation, but people will pay your fare to get you to go and tell them how to be happy.
QUENTIN CRISP






