“Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.”

As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut.

Human population growth is probably the single most serious long-term threat to survival.

A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

I have frequently been misrepresented. I don’t hate the press; I find a lot of it is very unpalatable.

British women can’t cook.

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

Everything that wasn’t invented by God is invented by an engineer.

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.

We live in what virtually amounts to a museum – which does not happen to a lot of people.

I had been playing polo, and I decided to give up at the age of 50.

Wildlife of the world is disappearing, not because of a malicious and deliberate policy of slaughter and extermination, but simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect.

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.

It’s better to get out before you reach the sell-by date.

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self esteem.

150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine.

Alcohol, tobacco, and pharmaceutical drugs are legal, but they can hurt a lot of people.

If people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.

I do not take drugs. I am drugs.

Hemp is a part of the cannabis plant, and it is very useful.

I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.