Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
P. J. O'ROURKEThere is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
P. J. O'ROURKE -
I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.
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Term limits aren’t enough. We need jail.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
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Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
P. J. O'ROURKE