Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
P. J. O'ROURKEThere is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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I believe in God. God created the world.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
P. J. O'ROURKE