A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
NORM MACDONALDA readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
NORM MACDONALD