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The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

Lily Tomlin

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
LILY TOMLIN

Company Earth Name Phone Standard
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Funny Hairs Library Truth
You are what you think, geez, that’s frightening.
LILY TOMLIN

Fear Thinking Yourself
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
LILY TOMLIN

Collection One Liner Perspective Reality
Remember we’re all in this alone.
LILY TOMLIN

Alone One Liner Remember
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
LILY TOMLIN

Name Top Yourself
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
LILY TOMLIN

Home Myself Teacher Thinking
To me, “sexual freedom” means freedom from having to have sex.
LILY TOMLIN

Freedom Myself Sex Willing
If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
LILY TOMLIN

Better Creature Death Evolution Laughter Survive Worth
If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.
LILY TOMLIN

Fame Myself Settle Willing
The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
LILY TOMLIN

Belief Better Possible Start World
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself Thinking Worry
Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
LILY TOMLIN

Greatness Growth World
Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
LILY TOMLIN

Deep God Hypocrisy Prayer Talk
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Freedom Hands Man Reason Sex Walk
Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
LILY TOMLIN

Born Growth Myself Place

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

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The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

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