Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
LILY TOMLINEven when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
LILY TOMLINI worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
LILY TOMLINWell, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
LILY TOMLINHaving a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.
LILY TOMLINIf love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
LILY TOMLINEvery day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.
LILY TOMLINReality is nothing but a collective hunch.
LILY TOMLINTo me, “sexual freedom” means freedom from having to have sex.
LILY TOMLINI bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLINIf beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
LILY TOMLINIf evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
LILY TOMLINBeing a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
LILY TOMLINIf trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
LILY TOMLINNo matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
LILY TOMLINWhen I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
LILY TOMLINWhen we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
LILY TOMLIN