The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
LILY TOMLINI think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
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Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
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My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.
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If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
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I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLIN






