Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
LILY TOMLINWe don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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We are all in this together, by ourselves.
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If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
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The road to success is always under construction.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
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Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
LILY TOMLIN






