Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
LILY TOMLINWe don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
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To me, “sexual freedom” means freedom from having to have sex.
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I worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
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You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
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Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
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When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
LILY TOMLIN