The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
LILY TOMLINThere will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
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There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’.
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
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If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
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Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
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Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN






